tgstonebutch: (reality check)
I just put a bunch of things on hold at the library, which is a regular part of my reading cycle. Though these days I have things I should read, and they are all rather difficult in one way or another, so I often end up not reading them, and reading something cozy or rereading something familiar.

I spent a long time having a policy of not accepting review copies for just this reason; I would start something and it would be too hard, and I could not finish it, or was not up for it right then and it would take ages for me to read, or I just couldn't read it at all. I accepted several review copies recently, and found myself getting stuck in each of them. This one because of genderqueer representation, that one because it was triggering, this one because the worldbuilding was so complex, my pain-fogged brain couldn't follow it. (I adore SFF but often cannot read new SFF for that reason.)

Given how much it feels like pressure to do the impossible to have a couple of these review copies still waiting for me, I think its probably a good idea for me not to accept more. Back to my old library patterns. Instead, I want to work out how to get my local library to order more of the titles I want, ideally how to do that online so I don't have to talk to people. They do well with YA but their romance and queer & trans lit...leaves much to be desired.

Put on hold today:
  • Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde
  • Aminas Voice by Hena Khan
  • The Pants Project by Cat Clarke
  • The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez
  • Where the Girls Are ed by DL King
  • Star Crossed by Barbara Dee
  • Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller
  • The Lawrence Browne Affair by Cat Sebastian
  • Heartstone by Elle Katherine White
  • Wintersong by S. Jae Jones
  • This Bridge Called My Back (new ed) ed by Gloria Anzaldua and Cherrie Moraga
  • A Boy Called Bat by Elana Arnold

Checked Out
  • The Awesome by Eva Darrows
  • Curvy Girls ed by Rachel Kramer Bussel
  • Iron and Velvet by Alexis Hall
  • Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

I also do much better with ebooks these days; they are easier for me to read in a number of ways, so print library books often get returned half read or unread. Ebooks are easier to carry, less likely to be allergic to them, easier to read lying down. (Which I should go do, cuz my back is saying we are done now.)

tgstonebutch: (boot)

What books do I carry with me? Let's start with the practical. Three years ago I packed myself up and moved across the country. I took very little, leaving the bulk of my things (including a lot of books) in storage, took only what was absolutely necessary. That included a small number of books. I had to bring the books I could not live without, the books whose support I thought I might need when landing in a new place.

Most of the books I brought were ones I've read many times, books I hold inside, and carry with me. Books I know so well that I think in them. Books I use over and over again to inspire my writing, to remind myself of what I know, to hold a mirror up to my own life.

Here is a list of fifty books that are dear to my heart, precisely because they kicked my ass in some major intense way when it needed to be kicked, or showed me I wasn't alone when I felt deeply alienated, or helped me understand something I really needed to understand.

Links are to Goodreads. If you have a question about a book, or want trigger warnings, you can also feel free to ask me about it.

These are books I read as an adult. (I'd need a whole other list for books that shaped me as a child.) Many of these books came with me as I traveled, or I quickly realized that I needed to have them again. These are books that gut-punch me in ways that I need it, hold up the mirrors I ache for, inspire me to be brave. I consider them essential texts that have shaped me, and continue to shape me.

tgstonebutch: (boot)

This is a friendly reminder that I will be reading my erotica (which I write under the nom de plume Xan West) at the Pre-Folsom Perverts Put Out, in San Francisco.

When: September 28, 2013. Doors open at 7pm. Reading starts at 8pm.

Where: The Center for Sex and Culture in SF. 1349 Mission St. between 9th and 10th

What: Perverts Put Out! is San Francisco's long-running pansexual performance series. Join a sexy celebration of leather and lust at Perverts Put Out!'s annual pre-Folsom-Fair show, with performers including Jen Cross, Greta Christina, Phillip Huang, Steven Schwartz, horehound stillpoint, Naamen Tilahun, Xan West, and Mollena Williams, with your hosts Simon Sheppard and Dr. Carol Queen.

Cost: $10-25 sliding scale

I will be reading an abridged version of my story “Strong”, which was printed in Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica.

Reviewers have this to say about “Strong”:


  • “a tribute to bottoms, to what we give to our tops, to what it takes to do what we do…Xan West, more than anyone I’ve ever read, intrinsically gets what I do at my core, as a femme and as a bottom.” Helena Swann on Cuntext

  • “The caning scene within this story literally made my thighs ache, and not just in sympathy.” --Angel Propps at Lambda Literary Reviews

  • "some of the most boundary breaking erotica I’ve heard in a while" --Kelli Dunham

Here is an excerpt from the beginning of my story, "Strong", that appears in Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica (as a heads up, this excerpt contains oral sex, gendered D/s, and play with misogyny)

For both of us, gender is both complex identity and elaborate sex toy.  But not just that.  It is not easy to grow up breaking the gender rules, to live lives visibly nonconforming.  Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles.  Part of the thrill is that danger. We push gender to it’s own edges, play its sharpness against our throats, fear in our mouths, ache in our guts, building armor against becoming what we fear.

Gender is the core. It drives our relationship.  As a transgender butch, playing with gender is an edgy and necessary thing.  For my genderqueer submissive, who’s gender ebbs and flows in life and in play, the conscious choice to play with gender confirms self, breaks boundaries, allows catharsis.  My submissive is both my girl and my boy.  Tonight she was going to be one and then the other. 

When she is my girl, I always start by fucking her throat.  It is the most personal hole, and I claim her there first, make sure she knows she is helpless to stop me.  Her job is to open to me, give to me, feed me with her eyes. I begin by placing the cuffs on her wrists, lock them together, and force her to her knees.  My hands grip her hair, and I force her mouth onto my cock.  This is how we start, every time.

Beginning this way every time gives us both a way to go deeper into ourselves, to sink into what we are doing, find ground for the genders we are playing in. My cock in her throat honors how she wants to do girlness, how much we both want her to be open and vulnerable and raw. Her eyes looking up at me and her mouth wrapped round my dick reflect back the masculinity I want to do with her, how much we want me to be cruel and invasive and dominant. I need to see that she wants this, all the way through, and she knows how much I run on adrenaline when we play this way, how it reaches into my core and twists.

I need to start fast, and hard, almost dare myself into it, because this scares the shit out of me, and that’s the only way to get over the mountain of fear that builds in me as I know we are going there. The more fear there is the rougher and faster I need it. I was especially rough that night, ignoring the gagging, groaning as I forced tears from her eyes.

“That’s right, choke on my cock,” I said gruffly.

There was rushing in my ears as I watched her choke, tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes locked on mine, soft, reassuring.  I rammed myself into her, cracking her open, thrusting my way inside.  I got taller as I fucked her face, wrenching her hair, relentless.  I could tell when she started to float, weightless, rapt.  I pulled out of her mouth, looking coldly down at her as she took ragged sobbing breaths and offered herself to me.

In other erotica-related news, my piece “Baxter’s Boy” is included in The Big Book of Orgasms, which is coming out mid-October, and can be pre-ordered on Amazon right now. To celebrate the release of this book, I will be reading (along with fellow authors like B.D. Swain and Virgie Tovar, and the editor Rachel Kramer Bussel) at Good Vibrations on Polk Street in SF on November 6th.

I hope you can include Perverts Put Out as part of your Folsom celebrations.

tgstonebutch: (boot)

I am very pleased to announce that I will be reading my erotica at the Pre-Folsom Perverts Put Out, in San Francisco.

When: September 28, 2013. Doors open at 7pm. Reading starts at 8pm.

Where: The Center for Sex and Culture in SF. 1349 Mission St. between 9th and 10th

What: Perverts Put Out! is San Francisco's long-running pansexual performance series. Join a sexy celebration of leather and lust at Perverts Put Out!'s annual pre-Folsom-Fair show, with performers including Jen Cross, Greta Christina, Steven Schwartz, horehound stillpoint, Naamen Tilahun, Xan West, and more perverted geniuses to be announced, with your hosts Simon Sheppard and Dr. Carol Queen.


Cost: $10-25 sliding scale

As the event gets closer, I will be announcing what story I will be reading from, and share an excerpt. Right now I am excited about reading from a piece that features two trans* characters together, so I am considering “Strong”, which was printed in Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica and “Missing Daddy”, which was recently reprinted in Best Gay Erotica 2013.

In other erotica-related news, my piece “Baxter’s Boy” is included in The Big Book of Orgasms, which is about to come out next month, and can be pre-ordered on Amazon right now. In addition, I am slated to have work included in these upcoming anthologies: Daddy’s Little Girl, Sex in New York City, Never Say Never, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2014.

I hope to see you at Perverts Put Out, if you are in the Bay that weekend.

tgstonebutch: (Default)

(titles with a * were one of 10 most challenged titles in 2011; titles with a + were challenged in Arizona ethnic studies ban in 2012)

  • +Acuna, Rodolfo Occupied America: A History of Chicanos
  • *Alexie, Sherman The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian
  • +Alexie, Sherman The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven
  • +Alexie, Sherman Ten Little Indians
  • Anderson, Laurie Halse Speak
  • Anderson, Laurie Halse Twisted
  • +Anzaldua, Gloria Borderlands La Frontera: The New Mestiza
  • +Baldwin, James The Fire Next Time
  • +Bigelow, Bill Rethinking Columbus: the Next 500 Years
  • Block, Francesca Lia Baby Be-Bop
  • +Burciaga, Jose Anotonio Drink Cultura: Chicanismo
  • +Castillo, Ana Loverboys
  • +Castillo, Ana So Far From God
  • +Cisneros, Sandra A House on Mango Street
  • +Cisneros, Sandra Women Hollering Creek
  • *Collins, Suzanne The Hunger Games (trilogy)
  • Crutcher, Chris Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes           
  • +Delgado, Richard Critical Race Theory
  • +Diaz, Junot Drown
  • Ehrenreich, Barbara  Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America
  • +Freire, Paulo Pedagogy of the Oppressed
  • Kingsolver, Barbara The Bean Trees
  • Meyer, Stephenie Twilight (series)
  • Monette, Paul Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir
  • Morrison, Toni  Song of Solomon
  • *Myracle, Lauren ttyl  (series)
  • Ockler, Sarah Twenty Boy Summer
  • Parnell, Peter and Richardson, Justin And Tango Makes Three
  • +Rosales, F. Arturo Chicano! The History of the Mexican Civil Rights Movement
  • Salinger, J. D. The Catcher in the Rye
  • Sapphire Push
  • +Shakespeare, William The Tempest
  • Smith, Jeff  Bone
  • Sones, Sonya One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies
  • *Sones, Sonya What My Mother Doesn't Know
  • Sonnie, Amy, ed Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology
  • +Thoreau, Henry David Civil Disobedience
  • +Takagi, Ronald A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America
  • +Zinn, Howard Declarations of Independence: Cross-Examining American Ideology
  • +Zinn, Howard A People’s History of the United States

In honor of Banned Books Week 2012

tgstonebutch: (Default)

This is just a quick reminder that I will be presenting at Between the Covers on Friday (as in tomorrow). I hope that you can come out to see me read from my genderplay story, "Strong".

Where: Happy Ending Lounge, 218 Bowery St, New York City (upstairs is wheelchair accessible)

When: 8-10pm on Friday, October 5th

What: Erotica reading from two hot collections: Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica and The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica I will be reading from "Strong", which was printed in Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology.

Here is the lineup for the event:

-D.L. King

-Elizabeth Thorne

-Xan West (that’s me!)

-Aimee Herman

My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Best Lesbian Erotica 2011 & 2012, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch.

I'm also excited to announce that my story "Ready" was recently reprinted in the newly out Coming Together: With a Twist, edited by Alessia Brio. All proceeds will benefit the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. It is a collection of BDSM erotica & erotic romance that has previously appeared in various Coming Together publications. And... I recently heard that my vampire story, "Willing" will appear in Coming Together: InVein, a vampire anthology. All proceeds benefit Doctors without Borders.

In addition, my new story, “The Tale of Jan and Tam” is going to be included in the Ravenous Romance leather fairy tale erotica anthology, Leather Ever After, edited by the brilliant Sassafras Lowrey.

I hope to see you tomorrow night!

tgstonebutch: (Default)

I just got some last minute news I wanted to share with you. I will be presenting at Between the Covers next Friday. I hope that you can come out to see me read from my genderplay story, "Strong".

Where: Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street, New York City (upstairs is wheelchair accessible)

When: 8-10pm on Friday, October 5th

What: Erotica reading from two hot collections: Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica and The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica

You may know that I write queer kinky erotica under the name Xan West. I will be reading from "Strong", which was printed in Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology. Here’s how editors and reviewers describe the story:

"some of the most boundary breaking erotica I’ve heard in a while" --Kelli Dunham


"This story answers the question, “Which one was your favorite”. Favorite. Right here." --Butchtastic Kyle

"'Strong' doesn't just give you the scene, but why the characters must be in it, how they are driven, their conflicts and roles. It made me smile, thinking 'Finally! Someone delves into the how and why of themselves.' I feel as if I could take that story as use it as an answer to why we defy gender roles, societal rules, and enjoy BDSM." --Nina Potts

"Xan West, more than anyone I’ve ever read, intrinsically gets what I do at my core, as a femme and as a bottom." –Helena Swann

My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Best Lesbian Erotica 2011 & 2012, Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch.

I hope to see you next Friday night!

tgstonebutch: (Default)

I devoured Sassafras Lowrey’s debut novel, Roving Pack. (I pre-ordered, so I got it before the official October release.) I tried to savor it, but it was not a small bites book, not a go slow on the first read experience.

The prose is achingly simple, stripped down and transparent, with an intensely compelling central character and a universe drawn in immense detail. The kind of prose I love. The kind of prose that makes me think—I can do that; writing doesn’t have to be fancy and confusing, it can be approachable, it can be real. The kind of prose that carries me away on the story.

I fell for Click and felt for Click—or rather, felt with Click. Sometimes so intensely it was too much, and I needed to put the book down for a bit. Click and I come from different cultural contexts, in so many ways. (Click exists in a straight-edge queer leather gutter punk community in PDX in the early 2000’s.) And, yet...some of this novel hit very close to home, reached into sore places for me. And it wasn’t gentle about it.

Roving Pack is precisely detailed in the way it weaves in some painful realities of queer leather life. For that in particular, it is so deeply needed, in so many ways. It gives you a visceral feel for very specific experiences that are not often discussed at all, much less there on the page in a novel that is steeped in the reality of them. It gets right to the gut of them, and so I’m going to speak from that gut as I write about it. I’m about to get specific about a few threads in the novel. So if you are the sort that avoids spoilers, stop reading now.

For us genderqueer folks who don’t fit the traditional trans narrative and are struggling with/against community norms, pressures and expectations around what makes you “legitimately” trans, us veterans of gender border wars…this book will break your heart in the ways it illuminates this reality. It left me in shards, not wrapped up nice and neat, not hopeful, but oh so raw, and that bold choice was so frustrating and real…and I’m not sure what I think of it yet. I will tell you that it sucked to leave Click in that moment. Beyond that, I’m still thinking about the way it ends, and don’t know where I will land on that.

For those of us who know what it’s like to want abusive and neglectful parents and family members to just leave you the fuck alone, and who grapple with the fear that comes from being stalked by those who were supposed to protect you but instead inflicted harm that still is unending with the stalking…this thread is woven very tightly into this book. It is part of the context, and part of the story, but doesn’t take center stage much of the time, in a way that I found eerily familiar. This aspect of the novel haunts me. Because that’s the reality of this experience; it is part of the every day, and then it flares up and takes over, and then it fades again into just part of life. If you know this experience, this thread may trigger the hell out of you. And it may feel like someone finally got it right, put it down the way it is. Probably both.

For those of us who came to leather so deeply hungry to submit and be wanted that our hunger drove our choices to some hard and traumatic places…this book savors the details of that experience, with all of its erotic charge and real danger, the intense vulnerability and need, and the exploitation, heartbreak, and abuse that can and often does happen in those circumstances. It illustrates how complicated abusive Ds dynamics can be, how much they can feel normal and even valued in kink communities, how intensely they can include love and desire. Click doesn’t simplify hir experiences with these two Daddies that left hir broken and orphaned. Ze insists we hold hir yearning and desire, hir pain and confusion, the way hir life and sense of self intertwined with both the care and the abuse ze experienced in these relationships. The boot shaped bruises on hir heart are bared for us to see in sharp detail, and they don’t let us distance ourselves from them in easy ways—we can’t just call it abuse and leave it at that. We are forced to hold the complexity.

It is this last thread that I am especially grateful for. Most writing about leather is how to, or intended to get you off. It is rare to see anything that focuses on leather relationships in the real world, and these are at the center of this novel, both Click’s relationships with hir Pack, as well as hir Daddies and casual lovers. I treasure that. But I particularly treasure the way that Lowrey unflinchingly describes the complexity of abusive and neglectful D/s relationships, from the inside, particularly Daddy dynamics with their specific intensity and play with identity and dependence.

I can only imagine how hard it was to write this. I know it was hard as fuck to read it. And. As a survivor of this kind of D/s relationship, it was invaluable to see it reflected in print in a real and complex way. It felt affirming to have this be part of Click’s reality, and have it be as big as it was, and yet not the whole story. Because that’s the thing about trauma—it is huge and ripples all the way through our lives, and it also is not the entirety of our lives, or our consciousness about them, it’s not the only priority or the only story, does not take over everything, even if it sometimes feels like it will.

We don’t talk about abuse in leather communities very often. I know, because I have felt the backlash and the desperate welcome that comes with being someone who does talk about it. It is so important to have these conversations from a complex and compassionate place, and Roving Pack is a vital voice in that endeavor.

In Roving Pack, Lowrey does what I need from queer literature; ze unflinchingly tells an insider story, one rife with specificity, that documents a very particular queer leather culture in a very particular setting. I am very glad that this book is out in the world, doing its essential work.

(cross posted on tumblr)

tgstonebutch: (Default)

On Tuesday, Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology was released. Join me with some other contributors at the launch party tomorrow night.

Where: Bluestockings, Allen Street, Lower East Side, New York City
When: 7pm on Friday, April 13th

 You may recall that I wrote a rather lengthy blog post about my process writing the story, "Strong", which appears in Say Please. I will be reading from that piece, alongside some of the most dynamic readers I have had the privilege to share a stage with. This promises to be an amazing night.

Here is a taste of the excerpt I am reading, which describes the gender play, D/s and play with misogyny that is at the core of this story:

For both of us, gender is complex identity and elaborate sex toy.  But not just that. Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles. As a transgender butch, playing with gender is an edgy and necessary thing.  For my genderqueer submissive, who’s gender ebbs and flows in life and in play, the conscious choice to play with gender confirms self, breaks boundaries, allows catharsis.  My submissive is both my girl and my boy.  Tonight she was going to be one and then the other. 

When she is my girl, I always start by fucking her throat.  It is the most personal hole, and I claim her there first, make sure she knows she is helpless to stop me.  Her job is to open to me, give to me, feed me with her eyes.

This gives us both a way to go deeper into ourselves, to sink into what we are doing, find ground for the genders we are playing in. My cock in her throat honors how she wants to do girlness, how much we both want her to be open and vulnerable and raw. Her eyes looking up at me and her mouth wrapped round my dick reflect back the masculinity I want to do with her, how much we want me to be cruel and invasive and dominant. I need to see that she wants this, all the way through, and she knows how much I run on adrenaline when we play this way.

I need to start fast, and hard, almost dare myself into it, because this scares the shit out of me, and that’s the only way to get over the mountain of fear that builds in me as I know we are going there. The more fear there is the rougher and faster I need it. I was especially rough that night, ignoring the gagging, groaning as I forced tears from her eyes.

Here are the details about the event:

Sinclair Sexsmith presents a cornucopia of queer kink—tantalizing tales rich in variety and saucy details of girls put in their place—and held there firmly. Whether readers dream of surrendering to a lover or of taking control, Say Please offers plenty of erotic inspiration and gives readers exactly what they want! Come hear authors from the book read their stories and celebrate the release of this kinky queer collection.

 ABOUT THE HOST:

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies and websites, including Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, she is the guest editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and her first full-length erotica anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, will be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. Mr. Sexsmith writes, teaches, and performs focusing on the subjects of sex, gender, and relationships. More information on her at mrsexsmith.com.

ABOUT THE READERS:

  • Dusty Horn’s erotica has been published by Cleis in Orgasmic and Best Bondage 2011, her sex culture reportage on CarnalNation.com, and her critical theory of sex work in AORTA magazine. A BDSM professional, queer pornographer, kink educator, social worker, and rocknroll exhibitionist slut, Dusty is (in)famous for her spanking booths.
  • Editor of Carnal Machines, Spank, The Sweetest Kiss, and Where the Girls Are, D.L. King has contributed short stories to Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Crazy, and Broadly Bound, among others. She’s published two novels and edits the erotica review site Erotica Revealed. Find her at www.dlkingerotica.com.  
  • Vie La Guerre is a femme wordsmith who lives in Chicago with her kittens, Foxy Brown and Zora.
  • Sassafras Lowrey (www.PoMoFreakshow.com) is an international award–winning storyteller, author, artist, and educator. Sassafras is the editor of the Kicked Out anthology, which brought together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. Her prose has been included in numerous anthologies and she regularly teaches LGBTQ storytelling workshops at colleges and conferences across the country. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family.
  • Miriam Zoila Pérez (www.miriamzperez.com) is a Cuban-American writer, blogger, and reproductive justice activist. She is the founder of RadicalDoula.com and an editor at Feministing.com. Her essays have been included in various anthologies, including Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. Pérez lives in Brooklyn.
  • Elizabeth Thorne began writing erotic stories when she was working in a place known as The Sex Lab. It was an act of desperation since, ironically enough, studying sex kept her too busy to meet anyone larger than a mouse… and unlike Cinderella she doesn’t actually swing that way. These days, Elizabeth spends her time sitting around in her PJs writing popular science during the day and erotic romance at night. She has contributed to more than a dozen anthologies of erotica and erotic romance and is proud to be the author of “The Gingerbread Dungeon,” a collection of pansexual BDSM fairy tales. You can find her online at withbatedbeth.com.
  • Xan West (that's me!) is the pseudonym of an NYC BDSM/sex educator. Xan’s “First Time Since” won honorable mention for the 2008 NLA John Preston Short Fiction Award. Xan has appeared in many anthologies, including Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, Best Women’s Erotica 2008 & 2009, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2011.

I will also be posting more about my story and the writing process on April 30th as part of the Say Please April Virtual Tour. Posts have already gone up, and the one for today has a lovely review of my story in particular:

"Finally, “Strong.” I cannot even. This piece is nothing short of perfect. There’s the fact that it’s intense BDSM that pushes most of my buttons: public humiliation, blowjobs, knives, orgasm control, being (someone’s) (good) little girl, being pushed to take more. There’s the fact that this is a tribute to bottoms, to what we give to our tops, to what it takes to do what we do. That’s not even the half of it. Xan West, more than anyone I’ve ever read, intrinsically gets what I do at my core, as a femme and as a bottom. Reading this piece crystallized my thoughts: What I do is build gender. More specifically, I build gender through relationships–the way I talk to people, the way I touch them, the way I fuck them. This story is a precise, graceful, crushingly hot portrait of how that happens."

In other news, it has been recently announced today that my story "It's My Job", printed in Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, is a finalist for the 2012 National Leather Association's John Preston Short Fiction Award! (You may remember that my story "First Time Since", which appeared in the collection Hurts So Good was named honorable mention for that award in 2008.)  Also, my story, “How He Likes it” appears in Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, which is now out and available. I had the pleasure of reprinting my story, "Ready" in a lovely anthology of tales around the theme of sex and transformation: Coming Together: In Flux.   In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work are on the shelves:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts, contains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”; Bondage By The Bay: Tales of BDSM In San Francisco, which contains two of my stories (“Nervous Boy” and “Kneeling for Him”) recently came out in e-book form. My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch.  

 I hope to see you tomorrow night! 

tgstonebutch: (Default)

 

Friday the 13th of April is the perfect time to read queer kink smut. I am gathering with some other contributors to the new anthology, "Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology to read our work. The event is hosted by Sinclair Sexsmith, who edited the collection.

Where: Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street, Lower East Side, New York City
When: 7pm on Friday, April 13th

You may recall that I wrote a rather lengthy blog post about my process writing the story, "Strong", which appears in Say Please. I will be reading from that piece in a couple weeks, alongside some of the most dynamic readers I have had the privilege to share a stage with. This promises to be an amazing night.

Here are the details:

Sinclair Sexsmith presents a cornucopia of queer kink—tantalizing tales rich in variety and saucy details of girls put in their place—and held there firmly. Whether readers dream of surrendering to a lover or of taking control, Say Please offers plenty of erotic inspiration and gives readers exactly what they want! Come hear authors from the book read their stories and celebrate the release of this kinky queer collection.

ABOUT THE HOST:

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies and websites, including Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, she is the guest editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and her first full-length erotica anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, will be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. Mr. Sexsmith writes, teaches, and performs focusing on the subjects of sex, gender, and relationships. More information on her at mrsexsmith.com.

ABOUT THE READERS:

  • Dusty Horn’s erotica has been published by Cleis in Orgasmic and Best Bondage 2011, her sex culture reportage on CarnalNation.com, and her critical theory of sex work in AORTA magazine. A BDSM professional, queer pornographer, kink educator, social worker, and rocknroll exhibitionist slut, Dusty is (in)famous for her spanking booths.
  • Editor of Carnal Machines, Spank, The Sweetest Kiss, and Where the Girls Are, D.L. King has contributed short stories to Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Crazy, and Broadly Bound, among others. She’s published two novels and edits the erotica review site Erotica Revealed. Find her at www.dlkingerotica.com.  
  • Vie La Guerre is a femme wordsmith who lives in Chicago with her kittens, Foxy Brown and Zora.
  • Sassafras Lowrey (www.PoMoFreakshow.com) is an international award–winning storyteller, author, artist, and educator. Sassafras is the editor of the Kicked Out anthology, which brought together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. Her prose has been included in numerous anthologies and she regularly teaches LGBTQ storytelling workshops at colleges and conferences across the country. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family.
  • Miriam Zoila Pérez (www.miriamzperez.com) is a Cuban-American writer, blogger, and reproductive justice activist. She is the founder of RadicalDoula.com and an editor at Feministing.com. Her essays have been included in various anthologies, including Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. Pérez lives in Brooklyn.
  • Elizabeth Thorne began writing erotic stories when she was working in a place known as The Sex Lab. It was an act of desperation since, ironically enough, studying sex kept her too busy to meet anyone larger than a mouse… and unlike Cinderella she doesn’t actually swing that way. These days, Elizabeth spends her time sitting around in her PJs writing popular science during the day and erotic romance at night. She has contributed to more than a dozen anthologies of erotica and erotic romance and is proud to be the author of “The Gingerbread Dungeon,” a collection of pansexual BDSM fairy tales. You can find her online at withbatedbeth.com.
  • Xan West (that's me!) is the pseudonym of an NYC BDSM/sex educator. Xan’s “First Time Since” won honorable mention for the 2008 NLA John Preston Short Fiction Award. Xan has appeared in many anthologies, including Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, Best Women’s Erotica 2008 & 2009, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2011.

In other news, it has just been announced today that my story "It's My Job", printed in Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, is a finalist for the 2012 National Leather Association's John Preston Short Fiction Award! (You may remember that my story "First Time Since", which appeared in the collection Hurts So Good was named honorable mention for that award in 2008.) 

If you are looking for my recent work, my story, “How He Likes it” appears in Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, which is now out and available. I had the pleasure of reprinting my story, "Ready" in a lovely anthology of tales around the theme of sex and transformation: Coming Together: In Flux.   In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work are on the shelves:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shortscontains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”; Bondage By The Bay: Tales of BDSM In San Francisco, which contains two of my stories (“Nervous Boy” and “Kneeling for Him”) recently came out in e-book form. My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch

I hope to see you on April 13!

Corey Alexander

 

 

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Baby it's cold outside. Come heat it up at my erotica reading on Thursday. You know you want to. 

My story, “How He Likes it” appears in Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, which is now out and available, and recommended in Autostraddle's gifting guide. I will be reading from that story at Drunken Careening Writers  as part of the annual Best Lesbian Erotica reading.  Copies of the book will be on sale. Contributors from near and far are congregating on our little corner of the East Village to read from their work, including this year’s Guest Editor, the lovely & talented Sinclair Sexmith.  You can read the introduction, written by Sinclair Sexsmith, on her blog (she refers to me as one of her favorite writers!). (Trigger Warning for the introduction--description of homophobic, sex negative, misogynist violence.)
The reading is on Thursday, December 15 at 7pm at KGB Bar (85 E. 4th St., NYC).  Get there early for a seat...its a small venue.

The awesome lineup:
Amy Butcher www.amybutcher.com.
Deborah Castellano www.deborahmcastellano.com)
Julia Noel Goldman www.julianoelgoldman.com
Anne Grip
D.L. King www.dlkingerotica.com.
Ali Oh www.madeofwords.com
Xan West (that's me!)
Introduced by Sinclair Sexsmith www.mrsexsmith.com
With your hostess (and series editor) Kathleen Warnock  www.kathleenwarnock.com
 
Here is an excerpt from the story I will be reading:

He likes it when I beg. Me begging is not just how he likes it, it’s how I need it. I ache to bring my raw dripping need to him, to offer it up to him, spill it into his lap. That’s exactly where he wanted me that night. In his lap, aching with need. He wanted to watch me writhe with it, wanted to savor the sight of me begging.

Sir knew me from the start, knew things about me that I had not fully seen. He was a mirror to my power and grace, showing me how beautiful I was in his eyes, how gorgeous my pain was, how delicious my tears, how very much my desire moved him. That is the best a lover can offer us, to really see us, and celebrate what they see. So often I had been told I was too much, too loud, too smart for my own good, took up too much space, too needy, too sexual. Sir had other things to say about my hunger, my desire, my size, my power. My reflection in his eyes told me I did not need to hide. That I could not possibly be too much for him. It scared me every time, felt risky every time, and it was exactly what I wanted.

I had not met Dexter before that night. Christian had told me about him. The mentor who had taught my Sir everything he knew about leather; the first trans man top he ever met. They had topped together, it was part of learning. But this was different. I was the first girl that my Sir was going to offer to Dexter after 7 years of estrangement.

In addition, my story, "Ready", which originally appeared in the anthology Biker Boys, is printed in the new anthology Coming Together: In Flux, a benefit for the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, which contains my story “It’s My Job” was released this fall. In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work have recently come out:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts, contains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”; Bondage By The Bay: Tales of BDSM In San Francisco, which contains two of my stories (“Nervous Boy” and “Kneeling for Him”) recently came out in e-book form. My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch.  It will also appear in the upcoming anthologies Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology, and Nice Butt: Gay Anal Eroticism.  
 
I hope to see you this Thursday for my reading!
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I will be reading my erotica tomorrow, September 2nd at 8pm as part of Ravenous Nights.  at the Happy Ending Lounge 302 Broome Street, NYC.  I will be reading alongside Nell Stark, Trinity Tam, and KT Grant. Lori Perkins hosts this event. I plan to read from my story, "Strong", which will appear in the upcoming anthology Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology, edited by Sinclair Sexsmith. Here is a taste of it: 

 "For both of us, gender is both complex identity and elaborate sex toy.  But not just that.  It is not easy to grow up breaking the gender rules, to live lives visibly nonconforming.  Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles.  Part of the thrill is that danger. We push gender to it’s own edges, play its sharpness against our throats, fear in our mouths, ache in our guts, building armor against becoming what we fear.
 
Gender is the core. It drives our relationship.  As a transgender butch, playing with gender is an edgy and necessary thing.  For my genderqueer submissive, who’s gender ebbs and flows in life and in play, the conscious choice to play with gender confirms self, breaks boundaries, allows catharsis.  My submissive is both my girl and my boy.  Tonight she was going to be one and then the other. 
 
When she is my girl, I always start by fucking her throat.  It is the most personal hole, and I claim her there first, make sure she knows she is helpless to stop me.  Her job is to open to me, give to me, feed me with her eyes. I begin by placing the cuffs on her wrists, lock them together, and force her to her knees.  My hands grip her hair, and I force her mouth onto my cock.  This is how we start, every time."

In other news, I just received word that my story, "Ready", which originally appeared in the anthology Biker Boys, is going to appear in the upcoming anthology Coming Together: In Flux, a benefit for the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, which contains my story “It’s My Job” was released last month. In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work have recently come out:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts, contains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”; Bondage By The Bay: Tales of BDSM In San Francisco, which contains two of my stories (“Nervous Boy” and “Kneeling for Him”) recently came out in e-book form. My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 08 & 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, and I Like to Watch.  It will also appear in the upcoming anthologies Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology, and Nice Butt: Gay Anal Eroticism.  
 
I hope to see you tomorrow for my reading!
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I turned 37 years old this week. I’ve been involved in queer community for almost 20 years, and have seen many shifts and struggles. One of the more heartbreaking and personally impactful things I have experienced again and again has been border wars, identity struggles within our communities. This issue is coming up quite a bit recently in the communities I am connected to. This week, on my birthday, I worked with an ally and close friend  to launch a blog of open letters in response to border wars. (http://border-war-dispatches.tumblr.com/) The first letter I have posted “An Open Letter to butch, AG, stud, transmasculine and genderqueer attendees of the 2009 Butch Voices Conference in Oakland, CA”, is one I wrote in response to my experiences with gender border wars at that conference, where I presented on faggot play, stone identity and sexuality, misogyny, and leather butch identity. It seems fitting to put it out into the world now, a couple of weeks before the second National Butch Voices conference.

 

Here is a taste of it:

This is, first and foremost, a love letter. My love for you is complex, and embraces your contradictions. Part of what I love about you is all the ways you show me possibility, multiplicity, and expansiveness. Part of what I love about you is the ways you insist on precision, draw lines firmly and name boundaries. Part of what I love about you defies the hetero-normative rules about gender and sex, about relationships and space. Part of what I love about you embraces desire and the trappings of gender and the ways that we find traction with each other, including when we find it in ways that look like those rules. Part of what I love about you is the ways I see myself in you, see who I was and who I may become. Part of what I love about you is the ways that you are insistently and definitively different from me, from who I ever was and will be.

 

I know that loving is about really seeing myself and seeing you, and celebrating our complexities and contradictions, our places of connection, discord and intimacy, the places where we fit and where we rub each other raw. I know that loving is about giving support and asking for what we need, even when that feels scary. I know that when we love, we are transformed, and we transform each other. I know that what allows us to love is being fully ourselves, in our bodies, in our realities and limitations, present and open to ourselves, to each other, to change. And knowing full well what changes we are not up for, not open to, will not allow.

 

I hope you will consider checking out this new offering, and possibly joining me in this project. Submit your open letters here: http://border-war-dispatches.tumblr.com/submit

 

I am also excited to announce that I will be reading my erotica on September 2nd at 8pm as part of Ravenous Nights.  at the Happy Ending Lounge 302 Broome Street, NYC. 

 

Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, which contains my story “It’s My Job” was released this week just in time for my birthday; what a great present! In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work have recently come out:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts, contains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”; Bondage By The Bay: Tales of BDSM In San Francisco, which contains two of my stories (“Nervous Boy” and “Kneeling for Him”) recently came out in e-book form. My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Biker Boys, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 3, and I Like to Watch.  It will also appear in the upcoming anthologies Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, Say Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology, and Nice Butt: Gay Anal Eroticism.

 

I hope to see you on September 2nd!


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I have summer fun to report.

 

I have just returned from the Bay Area, where I taught a class at NOLOSE, on queer fat activism and sex positivity. Marilyn Wann, of Fat!So? attended my class and quoted me in her column in the SF Weekly.  Teaching at NOLOSE was an amazing experience, one I will never forget.

 

I am also excited to announce that I will be reading my erotica this fall as part of Ravenous Nights.  at the Happy Ending Lounge 302 Broome Street, NYC.  I will share details when the date is finalized.

 

In addition, several collections of erotica containing my work have recently come out:  Brief Encounters: 69 Hot Gay Shorts, contains my story “This Boy”; In Plain View: Hot Public Erotica, contains my story “Kneeling for Him”. Hot Daddies: Gay Erotic Fiction, which contains my story “It’s My Job” will be released next week just in time for my birthday; what a great present! My work has been published in over 20 collections, including: Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight, Biker Boys, Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Daddies, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, Pleasure Bound, SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel, Best SM Erotica 3, and I Like to Watch.  It will also appear in the upcoming anthologies Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, Please: A Lesbian BDSM anthology, and  Kink In San Francisco: BDSM With a City By The Bay.

 

I hope you have a wonderful summer! 

 

 

 


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Baby it's cold outside, so of course that means I've got two erotica readings coming up.
 
I will be reading my smut next week at a Best Lesbian Erotica focused edition of Drunken Careening Writers, hosted by Kathleen Warnock, the editor of the BLE series. This reading will occur at KGB Bar at 85 E 4th Street, on Thursday December 16, 2010 at 7pm.
 
Come hear five of the readers from this year’s volume, edited by Kathleen Warnock, and selected by Lea DeLaria, who will be introducing us!  The readers are: Kiki DeLovely; Charlotte Dare (Lesbian Cowboys, Where the Girls Are: Urban Lesbian Erotica, Girl Crazy, Island Girls, Wetter, Purple Panties, Ultimate Lesbian Erotica 2008 & 2009, and Tale...s of Travelrotica for Lesbians Vol. 2..); D.L King (editor of The Sweetest Kiss and the Lambda Literary Award Finalist, Where the Girls Are.); Sinclair Sexsmith (Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top); and me, Xan West.
 
I plan to read from my story "Missing Daddy", which was printed in the anthology Daddies. Here is a taste of the story.

 

Daddy was going for the pain I hated. I could see it growing in his eyes. He was going to test me with hateful pain that tore into me. That meant only one thing. My eyes frantically searched the bathroom for it's reflection in the mirror. There it was, propped next to the toilet. Daddy's cane case. I could hear rushing in my head and feel sweat beading at my temples. I met Daddy's eyes in the mirror, and saw them change. He sensed my fear, and it was like a predator was waiting behind those eyes, waiting to feed on me. Daddy snarled, holding my gaze, his paws digging into me as I whimpered in fear.

 

It was fast. His hand clamped on my neck, pushing my head into the sink, and suddenly his cock was inside me. Daddy truly was magic because there was lube and I had no idea how that had happened. But not enough to make it easy. No, this was not about my pleasure at all. It was awful. Cruel. He was growling in my ear making me tremble on his cock. My mind raced round and round. I was breathing so fast, my heart pounding and behind my closed eyes all I could see was that cane case.

 

Copies of Best Lesbian Erotica 2011 will be on sale at the reading. My story, "My Precious Whore" is printed in the anthology. Here is a taste of that story.
 
I yank her by the hair and force her down onto my cock.  I reach up and grab her by the nipple, yanking her down to my level.  I want to watch her eyes.  I take her breath as I thrust into her, watching as her eyes get bigger, as fear grows.  My hand is clamped over her mouth and nose, my eyes locked on hers, my fingers pulsing pain through her nipple in time to my cock.  I watch her build, as fear grabs her throat.  She is afraid because this turns her on so much.  She is turned on because she is afraid.  How can she want so badly to be fucked by someone who scares her so much? Who makes her feel so ashamed?
 
To kick off 2011, I will be reading at the launch of Salacious Magazine, a queer feminist sex magazine, in which my story "A Large Full Meal" is printed. The launch party will be in Brooklyn, on January 8 at 10pm, at SouthPaw (125 5th Ave Brooklyn, New York 11217) and is sponsored by ReDress and Queerrespondence.
   

I hope to see you at Drunken Careening Writers!


wow.

Aug. 28th, 2010 11:40 am
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I recently got a copy of The Marrow's Telling, by Eli Clare. I have not yet read it. What I did do, however, was open it. And what I saw inside touched me. There is a trigger warning at the beginning of the book, listing the pieces in it that discuss abuse in detail, with a note saying "Please take as much care as you need." These same pieces are also starred in the table of contents, with a note at the bottom indicating the meaning of the star.

I am so moved by this. This is the first time I have seen a book attempt to be more accessible to folks with PTSD.
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I will be hosting the author reading at TFW10 and reading my work there as well. I am joined by Laura Antoniou, Batsheva, M. Christian, Sassafras Lowrey, and Cecilia Tan.

My work has been recently published in these anthologies:

"Lucky" in Best SM Erotica 3

"Willing" in Men at Noon, Monsters at Midnight

It will soon appear in the following anthologies:
"Kneeling for Him" In Plain View
"Willing" in Blood Sacraments
"Compersion" in I Like To Watch
"Please" in Cupido magazine
"My Precious Whore" in Best Lesbian Erotica 2011

I will be reading my work at a BLE focused edition of Drunken Careening Writers, hosted by Kathleen Warnock, the editor of the BLE series. This reading will occur on December 16, 2011.
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Loving this disability blog, which I found via [info]undeconstructed.

This made me cry. In that good way.
tgstonebutch: (Default)

Thanks to everyone who came to see me at In The Flesh! The story that I read an excerpt from, "Missing Daddy", which was printed in Daddies, is a finalist for the 2009 National Leather Association's John Preston Short Fiction Award. You may recall that my story "First Time Since", which was printed in Hurts So Good, won Honorable Mention for the 2008 National Leather Association's John Preston Short Fiction Award.

  

I will be teaching a new class for Conversio Virium tomorrrow, March 22 at 9pm, Hamilton Hall, room 316, on the Columbia campus in NYC. Although this is a student group, classes at CV are free and open to the public.

 

Pushing Your Own Limits: Edgeplay from the Top

Bottoms are not the only ones that push their limits.  This interactive workshop/discussion focuses on edgeplay that pushes tops out of our comfort zones. Whether you are a seasoned or newly exploring edgeplayer from the top, or want to support a top in pushing edges, this class is for you.

 

I will be teaching a class on upping your mean factor on April 3, at a new Kinky Arts Festival  titled HAREFest at The Society in Hartford, CT.

 

Strategies for Upping Your Mean Factor: Working With Physical Limitations

This interactive workshop offers tools for upping the level of physical pain and psychological distress that you cause, within your own physical limitations, whether they be strength, size, disability, or stamina.  It unabashedly celebrates sadism, and is for all who are interested in upping the mean factor in their play.

 
I will also be traveling to the SF Bay Area in mid April. I will be teaching my class on Stone Sexuality and Kink at The Exiles in San Francisco on April 23, 2010. 8pm, at the Women's Building, 3543 18th Street.

 

Stone Sexuality and Kink

Stone is often only seen as an absence, a loss, a problem.  This class offers an alternative perspective on stone, celebrating the hotness of stone sex and play, discussing ways to address the impact of anti-stone prejudice, and ways to honor who we are now even if we are exploring ways to push our own boundaries. This interactive workshop will focus on the challenges and especially the pleasures of stone sexuality and kink, while honoring the complexities that each of us bring to a discussion of stone

 

I will be teaching a class on drop and aftercare at TES on Tuesday June 15, at Joria Studios, 260 W 36th, 3rd Floor, NYC. Doors open 730pm, event starts at 8pm.

 

Strategizing Re-entry: Drop and Aftercare

You have gone to scary and wonderful places. You have flown high, dropped deep, exploded into tiny bits, or feel like you own the universe. Ever have a hard time getting back to the rest of the world? Ever struggle in recovering from sex, scenes or weekend events? Ever grapple with opposing aftercare needs or expectations? Ever have difficulty getting your aftercare needs met? This class will offer tools to help you identify what you need out of aftercare, make aftercare work for you and your partner(s), and deal with drop.

 

This is a more focused version of my overview closure class (Wrapping It Up), that spends more time and depth on aftercare and scene/sex/event drop. Taking the feedback of the folks who attended my overview class, I have split off the scene and relationship closure portion of the class into a separate class. I am excited about teaching this for TES, and getting to go into more depth about aftercare and drop.

 
Coming up this summer... 
 
I will be traveling to Baltimore to teach about stone sexuality and identity at Sugar; date TBD. In addition, I will be teaching a follow up class to my relationship negotiation workshop focused on polyamory negotiation, this summer at TES, for the Relationships SIG date TBD.

You Don’t Just do It Once: Ongoing Relationship Negotiation in Polyamory

Initial negotiations are challenging enough, how do you continue to negotiate polyamorous relationships as they develop and shift? This class will offer tools for figuring out what you need, what has changed, what you want to change, and how to go about talking about that with your parter(s). It will also offer you specific tips for negotiating poly relationships as a non-primary partner, dealing with common conflicts in  polyamory negotiation, addressing broken agreements and difficulties with trust, and adjusting your relationships as (all of) you change. This advanced interactive workshop is an intended follow up to Corey’s class What Do I Need Anyway? Relationship Negotiation From Ds to Poly, but can stand alone if you have not taken that class.

 

I am heading up Programming for The Floating World 2010, which will happen in Edison, NJ on August 20-22, 2010. I'm very excited about that. I hope that all of you will join me at this amazing event!
 
I write queer kinky erotica under the nom de plume Xan West. My story “Lucky” (previously published in Best Women's Erotica 2009 and soon to be published in Best SM Erotica Volume 3) was just printed in the Norwegian magazine Cupido. My story "Ready" will appear in the new collection Biker Boys, which will be published in April. I also have several pieces of erotica in anthologies that are on the shelves now (Backdraft, Hurts So Good, Best Women's Erotica 09, Leathermen, Frenzy, Men on the Edge, Cruising for Bad Boys, DADDIES, Pleasure Bound, and SexTime: Erotic Stories of Time Travel). I wrote the introduction to Wired Hard 4, which was recently published by Circlet Press. It's an amazing collection and well worth the read. 
 

I hope to see you tomorrow at Conversio Virium!


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